For Janice Holcomb, it wasn't a conscious decision — at least not at first.

But as her son grew up, Holcomb became more and more adamant. She wanted to parent without religion.

"I was really uncomfortable forcing him to do something one way or the other," says Holcomb, whose son is now 8. "Because that's how I was raised, and it never seemed fair to me then … and it's surely not fair now that I'm a mother."

Raising her son without religion and outside of church makes Holcomb something of an anomaly.

According to The Pew Forum on Religion and Public Life, 78 percent of Americans define themselves as Christian, while another 5 percent fall underneath the heading of "other" — Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, Hindu, etc.

And then there are the unaffiliated, who account for 16 percent of Americans. Within that group, 1.6 percent defined themselves as atheists, 2.4 percent were agnostic and 12.1 percent considered themselves to be "nothing in particular" — either "secular unaffiliated" (6 percent) or "religious unaffiliated" (5 percent).

Many of those are raising families, an intimidating thought, given that they are in such an overwhelming minority.

"It's scary," Holcomb says. "Especially knowing how passionate people are about their faith. But I'm just as passionate about raising my son to be open-minded. And if he decides to become Christian, I want it to be because he chose to, not because that's what I was."

For all the fears surrounding any "ism," — atheism, agnosticism, secularism, deism — there is perhaps an option for parents who struggle to explain their beliefs without being automatically condemned.

It's called humanism.

An ancient philosophy that dates back to the Greeks, humanism uses reason and logic, along with the scientific method, to explain and comprehend everything — all without relying on faith and religion to fill in the gaps. Though it's compatible with atheism and agnosticism, it's not mutually exclusive. Many humanists are spiritual and concerned with the role religion plays in humanity. Encompassing intellectual currents, humanism can sustain a religious role in people's lives.

And its tenants are suitable both for individuals and parents, says Sean Curley, author of Humanism for Parents: Raising Children without Religion.

"There are a lot of people who simply don't know what to call themselves," says Curley from his home in Denver. "They may not know exactly what they want, but they do know what they don't want — and that's to raise their children in church just because prevailing opinions say they have to."

Humanism isn't necessarily about sparring against religion or converting to atheism. It's about offering a healthy, intellectual alternative for those who prefer science over faith and want the same for their children.

"The best thing that parents can do," he says, "is teach their kids to think for themselves. We aren't making decisions for them. We're leaving open all the possibilities for them to choose their own path."

Questioning the answers

Some might say Jason, 19, was born skeptical.

When he was attending a Catholic pre-school, the conversation among the children turned to God sitting up in heaven, floating with the angels on a cloud. When one of the kids turned to hear what Jason imagined it would be like, he answered dryly, "Clouds can't support weight."

Because his parents were not particularly religious, Jason, whose mother didn't want him identified for this story, was allowed to follow his intellectual pursuits free of guilt, pressure or preconceived notions.

"Being non-religious gives me the advantage of being open-minded," he says, staring absently into the screen of an open laptop computer. "And that can lead to other ideas … for that I feel fortunate to be raised the way I was."

Five years ago when Jason and his family moved from Wyoming to a small horse farm on the outskirts of Etowah County, Jason was already deeply entrenched in his humanist views. Still, there was an adjustment to be made.

"(In Wyoming), religion really wasn't something I paid much attention to … because I didn't believe in it," he says with a shy smile. "For one thing, there were a lot fewer churches, so it was easy to ignore."

But while making the rounds at school, Jason was confronted by the same set of questions familiar to all those new in town — "Alabama or Auburn?" and "What church do you go to?"

At first, Jason played it off, occasionally answering the intrusive questions with, "Well, we're home-churched." Then he started to study other religions, those unfamiliar to kids in his school. He'd take that knowledge to tell people he was a Buddhist one week or a Hindu the next.

"Pretty soon they just stopped asking," he says.

Though Jason has never felt compelled to defend himself to friends and, like Janice Holcomb, isn't openly antagonistic towards religion itself, many humanists are forced to explain not only their beliefs but the choice to raise their children the same way.

"This isn't something that anyone should do lightly," says Curley, who has four children. "For those who have made this choice, they have to really consider what it will mean for their children. Their can be a lot of defending. Kids will have to defend themselves, and parents will have to defend the decisions they've made as parents."

As a 19-year-old freshman at the University of Alabama who makes good grades and has never been in trouble, Jason also disputes the idea that kids raised without religion are somehow lacking a moral compass.

"Honestly, I think it's affected me positively," he says. "Instead of talking all about the Ten Commandments, parents need to just teach their kids good principles and lead by example. Raising kids with religion doesn't give them any ethical advantage."

Searching for meaning

The main accusation leveled against humanists is based on morality, as if those who go to church have somehow cornered the market, Curley says.

"Morality isn't based strictly on the Bible or any particular religion," Curley says. "It's based on society, and that's something that humanist parents can teach their children as well as anyone."

In his book, Curley goes on to say, "It is true however, that morality is much easier and clearer when defined by God or religion," he writes. "If God doesn't define our morality, then community and culture define it, and then it's up for debate."

But most people of faith argue that something is missing from the lives of children who grow up outside of the church.

It's important for children to be grounded in faith because, while there will be self-doubt and the search for meaning, they will also be instilled with an awareness that they are part of a greater whole, explains Roger McClellan, co-pastor, along with is wife Melissa, of the Prince of Peace Progressive Christian Church in Anniston.

"I also believe it is very important for children, once exposed, to be given the freedom and even encouraged to explore so that they may make informed decisions for themselves regarding their own belief systems," says McClellan, who has two teenagers.

Faith is not an arranged marriage. Children, as well as adults, should be allowed to decide for themselves, McClellan says.

"When it comes to faith, we often try to arrange for our children a relationship with our Creator under the parameters and conditions that we ourselves define," he says. "In seeking to define the terms of that relationship, we deprive our children of the great joy and intimacy that comes from discovering for themselves an expression of faith that leads to a lasting and passionate connection with the divine."

Jason has paid a price for his views, but he has no regrets.

"It makes you feel kind of isolated," he says, taking a contemplative sip of coffee, "You're always careful about the things you say around people, not knowing how they will react. But being surrounded by religious people who don't act religious, I feel very iconoclastic.

"I'm open to ideas I know they won't ever listen to."

Link

To learn more about parenting through humanism, visit www.spiritualhumanist.info.