Primary 2012!
by The Anniston Star Editorial Board
May 06, 2012 | 3151 views |  0 comments | 14 14 recommendations | email to a friend | print
Illustration: AnnaMaria Jacob/The Anniston Star.
Illustration: AnnaMaria Jacob/The Anniston Star.
With Newt Gingrich officially ending his run for president last week, Mitt Romney’s path to the Republican presidential nomination became a little easier. For Romney, Gingrich, Rick Santorum and other GOP hopefuls — not to mention the viewers at home — the 2012 Republican primary was quite a ride. Now you can relive the important and trivial moments with Insight’s new board game PRIMARY 2012!

Pick a figure, take turns rolling the dice and may the best candidate win.

Download your Primary 2012! game board (Right click ... save as)


1. Player to the furthest right goes first.

2. Roll the dice and move the appropriate number of spaces.

3. The first player to the nomination zone wins.


Your surging candidacy lands you on Newsweek’s cover.

As her poll numbers climbed, Rep. Michelle Bachmann, R-Minn., landed on the Aug. 15, 2011, cover of Newsweek with the headline, “The Queen of Rage.”

The Newsweek cover captures you in a crazy-eyed stare.

Campaign ends four months before first votes are cast.

Tim Pawlenty, a former governor of Minnesota, called it quits in August, after a weak showing in the Iowa Straw Poll. “I thought what I brought forward was a rational, established, credible, strong record of results, based on experience ... but I think the audience, so to speak, was looking for something different,” he told the Minneapolis Star Tribune.

In naming three federal agencies you’d end, you draw a blank on the third.

During a November presidential debate, Texas Gov. Rick Perry mentioned three federal agencies President Perry would kill. After naming Commerce and Education he drew a blank, finally ending by say, “Sorry. Oops.”

You are so wealthy that you dismiss $374,000 earned in speaking fees during 2010 as “not very much.”

In January, Mitt Romney released tax returns indicating he earned $42 million and paid a tax rate of about 14 percent during 2010 and 2011.

One line item showed his six-figure income in speaking fees, which the candidate dismissed as not significant.

Single Super PAC sugar daddy drops $16 mil in support of your election.

Super PACs, 2012’s preferred method of sending gobs of cash, was very kind to Gingrich. One deep-pocketed supporter, casino mogul Sheldon Adelson, dropped millions into a Gingrich-friendly Super PAC.

Your 9-9-9 economic plan catches fire.

In October, Herman Cain, the former corporate CEO, saw the promotion of his tax plan gain popularity among Republicans. The plan would replace the federal tax code with a 9 percent income tax, a 9 percent business transactions tax and a 9 percent federal sales tax.

An opponent notes the 9-9-9 program upside-down is a 6-6-6 program.

Cain’s notion lost steam when it was reported that it would actually increase taxes on many middle-income earners.

“When you take the 999 plan and turn it upside down,” Bachmann said, “I think the devil’s in the details.”

Your staff jumps ship after you and your wife take a luxury cruise instead of campaigning.

Only a month after announcing a run for president, Newt Gingrich and his wife took a cruise around the Mediterranean, prompting his senior staff to resign while questioning their man’s commitment to the campaign.

Debate audiences love your take-downs of news media figures.

During televised debates, Gingrich assumed the role of scolding of news media figures, criticizing questions that the former House speaker believed divisive.

New York Times columnist obsesses over a story about you taking a vacation trip with the family dog strapped to the roof.

The Times’ Gail Collins has mentioned the tale of Seamus, the Romney’s dog who took an ill-fated ride on top of the family car during a 1983 trip to Canada, dozens of times in the past two years.

Allegations of sexual misconduct overwhelm your candidacy.

Cain threw in the towel in December, saying, the multiple allegations of sexual misconduct left a “cloud of doubt over me and this campaign.”

Anti-contraception comments come back to haunt you.

In 2010, Rick Santorum said contraception is “not OK. It’s a license to do things in the sexual realm that is counter to how things are supposed to be.” Those remarks birthed a controversy for the former Pennsylvania senator.

Opponent unfairly targets you over illegal immigration.

Looking to improve on his lackluster debate performances, Perry laid into Romney over allegations he used illegal immigrants to do work at his home, an allegation. that when examined, lacked a certain, ahem, strict adherence to the facts.

Your dedicated fan base helps you stay in the race despite lackluster fundraising.

Despite Gingrich’s high-profile exit last week, Ron Paul steadfastly remains in the race.

Your weak debate performances are blamed on chronic back pain.

Mere weeks after entering the race, Perry had spinal fusion surgery, something, he later said, that made standing during the presidential debates extremely difficult.

Campaign is hurt by the fact you served as an ambassador for Barack Obama.

When Obama was looking for a U.S. ambassador he selected Jon Huntsman, the Republican governor of Utah. Obama called Huntsman “the kind of leader who always puts country ahead of party,” not exactly praise that excites the GOP base.

Your “smoking man” online ad goes viral.

The ad featured Mark Block, Cain’s chief of staff, smoking a cigarette. Don’t expect the Obama or Romney camps to follow suit any time soon.

Your attractive daughters draw more attention than your candidacy.

Using their good looks, humor and winning style, the Huntsman girls led GQ Magazine to proclaim they were “the most entertaining commentary on an outrageous election season.”

You place the start of the Revolutionary War in the wrong state.

Speaking in New Hampshire, Tea Party fave Bachmann put the start of the war in Concord, N.H. Actually, the Concord of Lexington and Concord fame is in Massachusetts.


Adviser likens your campaign to an Etch A Sketch that a candidate “can kind of shake it up and restart all over again.”

Speaking on CNN in March, Eric Fehrnstrom, a longtime Romney aide, likened crafting a candidate’s positions to General Election voters as “almost like an Etch A Sketch. You can kind of shake it up and restart all over again.”


While jogging you shoot and kill a coyote threatening your dog.

While jogging in Austin, Texas, last year, Perry defended his dog from a coyote. The governor shot the beast with a .380 Ruger he carries while running.
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