I only turned 50 three months ago, but I’ve already gotten three AARP membership cards in the mail.
Or maybe it was four.
When the first one came, I laughed at it, and tossed it on the pile of mail-to-be-dealt-with-later.
I didn’t throw it away, because it seemed like it would be good for a joke.
Early retirement . . . ha!
When the second AARP card came in the mail, I might have thrown it away. Or maybe I tossed it on the pile with the other one. I can’t quite remember.
By the time the third one came, I was starting to take this whole AARP thing a little more seriously. See, I had been shopping around for a computer consultant, because our desktop needs a system upgrade, and the printer is messed up, and the wireless router is doing funny things, and I still can’t figure out how to use Photostream.
Did you know the Best Buy Geek Squad offers a discount to AARP members?
You know, for those old people who don’t have a clue how technology works. Isn’t that funny? Hey, wait a minute …
A lot of hotels offer AARP discounts, too.
Those funny old people, they’re so cheap.
What else does AARP offer discounts on? (I’m not cheap. I’m thrifty.)
(I also wear my comfy shoes all the time now, but that doesn’t mean anything, either.)
Here are some other services offered at the AARP website:
• Retirement calculator: How close are you to the retirement you want?
• Long-term care calculator.
• Doughnut hole calculator.
• Job hunting tips.
This doesn’t sound like the peaceful retirement I’d always imagined.
There are also stories:
• “Free Eats on Your Birthday.”
• “Nine Symptoms You Should Never Ignore.”
• “Things We Should Probably Never Do Again After 50.”
Look, I’m just here for the Geek Squad discount.
And the magazine, if they still have the AARP magazine. When I was a little girl, my dad used to get the AARP magazine every month. There was a giant word search puzzle on the back page of every issue. I loved that word search puzzle. Surely I’m not the only 9-year-old who read the AARP magazine?
Oh look, there on the website, there’s still an AARP magazine! And there’s a digital version! I can check if they still have the word search puzzle!
Which button do I click to get the page to turn? This one? No? Maybe this one? Aargh! That’s not where I wanted to go. Maybe I should click this link that says “puzzle” …
Oh. It’s not a word search puzzle anymore. It’s a crossword puzzle. Why do they have to keep changing everything?
Still, that Geek Squad discount is worth the price of a membership.
If only I could remember where I put that membership card.