“Wait!” I hollered. “Go back and stamp the snow off your feet!”
“But I’m going right back out,” he protested. “I just came in for a hammer.”
I never knew one might need a hammer to play in the snow. Gloves, boots, hats, carrots — yes. But a hammer?
I didn’t ask. I’ve learned that sometimes, it’s better not to know.
Some other things I learned during the Snowpocalypse of 2014:
1. To turn on the gas logs, use the knob on the right, not the knob on the left.
2. If you are baking cookies and discover you are out of eggs, mayonnaise is an acceptable substitute.
3. Don’t tell anybody you put mayonnaise in the cookies.
4. Do not attempt to sled using a plastic storage bin. The plastic might freeze and shatter when you sit down in it.
5. Milk, schmilk. Stock up on Dr Pepper!!!
6. If you tell a 12-year-old boy not to use the steps because they’re covered in a sheet of ice, the 12-year-old boy will immediately try to use the steps.
7. The woods surrounding our house are breathtakingly beautiful in the snow. I can’t believe I get to live here.
8. Hungry birds will take their little bird feet and dig in the snow to get to bird seed.
9. Our dog loves the snow.
10. The dogs next door love the snow.
11. The cat . . . not so much.
12. Guinea pig bedding is not an acceptable substitute for cat litter.
13. Always have spare cat litter on hand.
14. I’m so glad I bought toilet paper last week.
15. One cup milk, half-cup sugar, splash of vanilla. Mix that up first, then fold in a whole bunch of clean snow. Voilà — snow ice cream.
16. One bite of snow ice cream and I’m 8 years old again.
17. My son is not interested in building snowmen. He wants to build snow Daleks.
18. If you venture outside, always wear gloves. The one time you forget your gloves is when the snowball fight will break out.
19. From a distance of five feet — even when he is standing perfectly still — I still cannot hit my target with a snowball.
20. I have some of the best friends in the world. But next time, they might want to think twice before volunteering to bring my kids home from school.
Contact Lisa Davis at email@example.com